No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
