i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
