she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
