This is not my ceiling
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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