my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
