capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
