This is not my ceiling
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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