@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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