i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
