Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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