He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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