yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
