Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
