dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
