There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I touched a dick in church today
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize