Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
