At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
