This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
