I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
