she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
