My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
