Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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