I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
