You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
