Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
