so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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