Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
