He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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