the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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