I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
