I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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