one two three fourrrrnication!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
