I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
