i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
