ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
