Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
