Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
