you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
