Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
