hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
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