Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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