new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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