May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
