I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
