How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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