i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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