God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
