The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
