you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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