I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
