If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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