So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
