all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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