the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
