Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
