My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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