So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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