i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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