Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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