Christians are straight up FREAKS
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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